December 11, 2018

That Time My Childhood Was Ruined by Celeste Pizza...

You wouldn't think that a $.99 pizza would be able to ruin my childhood, but it's true.

I was at the grocery store, late at night trying to find a snack for Husband that wasn't expensive and used minimal plastic. I spotted the Celeste Pizzas and told Husband to get one.


HE HAD NEVER HAD ONE. I was shocked. Maybe it was not that common of a food, but I had a ton of these when I was growing up because they're cheap and, frankly, delicious...

What sorcery is this that I can put my pizza on a silvery paper disc, put it in the microwave, and in three minutes, have a crispy, delicious pizza?!

Well, joke was on me. I told Husband to put the pizza on the disc and he said "there isn't one." I didn't believe him. I looked in the box and under the pizza in the plastic wrapper.

Husband looked at the box and it said, "microwave disk no longer required."
Blasphemy.



I looked at the pizza and it was also not nice-and-thin as I remember these pizzas to be. It was thick and stupid.
It also had about half as much cheese as it was supposed to have. 

I did not have high hopes, but we put it on a plate and microwaved it. Then we put it on a baking sheet in the oven and cooked it for 5 more minutes so that it woudn't be soggy.

Just. Terrible. Go ahead. Scroll back up to the photo of the box. The cheesy goodness is a LIE.

I'm not crazy, right? They used to be good, right? You know, for a cheap pizza that cooks in the microwave in 3 minutes...

I tasted it. Even though it looked disgusting. You know, for science.

It. Was. So. Bad. It tasted like every crappy cafeteria pizza in the whole world. Reading the ingredients, they must have started cheaping out. A pizza should not have so many any chemical ingredients.
Note the "Imitation Mozzarella Blend" 1/2 way down.
Still a mystery as to where the microwave disk went. My theory is that's why they made the crust so thick: so it could be microwaved and not fall apart. So bad.

3 comments :

  1. They stopped supplying the disc about a year ago. In addition years ago the pizza was as large as a dinner plate now it's half the size with very little cheese. I keep one in the freezer for emergency because I don't cook. I have to find a new pizza.

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    Replies
    1. If you have a toaster oven and Ellio's pizzas anywhere near where you live. Those are great cheap substitutes sure it takes some preheating and about 15ish minutes cook time. But it's a good replacement. There are no more decent cheep frozen microwavable pizzas anymore.

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    2. After the Celeste fail, I had Husband try Ellios. Somehow he'd never heard of it, whereas I grew up with it. He loves it more than anyone should. And he knows what GOOD pizza is.

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